Do I look that handy to you?

The fabled two weeks have come and gone without finishing but we do have electricity! This may not sound particularly exciting but when you understand what fancy pants sort of equipment the architect put in the plan, you too will be astonished.

When designing the backyard, we asked for lights. That was pretty much the entire conversation to the architect. "We'd like lights in the backyard".
Not "We'd like a triumph of spotlights carefully arranged so that our backyard shows up as the taj mahal from the freeway"
Or even "We'd like lights that anticipate our preferences and turn on without us doing anything"
Nor did we say "We get bored a lot and would like lights that we can easily move from one spot in the yard to the other without re-burying a lot of underground wire"

No, we said we'd like lights in the backyard. The kind so that we can see we're going when hunting for "what made that noise outside". Clearly this was not accurately communicated to the architect. When we got the initial plans back it included two massive transformers on either side of the house that would control the lights on each side of the backyard. Imagine this conversation if you will...

Architect: "The transformers will turn on the lights at a given time and then turn them off."
Us: "Ok, but we can just turn them all on or off with a switch inside the house right?"
Architect: <looks confused> "I'm sure an electrician could set that up if you wanted."
Us: "Ok, what about lights for the pergola?"
Architect: "The pergola will have six lights, one on each pillar."
Us: "Can we turn on just the pergola lights?"
Architect: <looks confused> "Well, no, half the pergola lights are controlled by one transformer and the other half are controlled by the other"
Us: "Well, can we change that?"
Architect: <heavy sigh> "If you really want..."

Is there anyone out there that can offer me a good reason why you'd ever want to turn on the lights for the left side of your yard and not the right side? Unless you have structural divisions like "pergola lights" versus "lights near tub", something logical to that effect I could see, but apparently we look like the type of people that would just turn on the lights on the left side and say "eh...we don't really need to look at the right side of the yard".
Not to mention we clearly want our back yard to light up every night promptly at 6pm automatically, so that our neighbors can bask in the glow that is our magnificent backyard. We are definitely those people. Not the kind that bicker about how many lights are on in the house. The phrase "do you have any idea how much the electric bills was last month" has never been uttered in our house....

Clearly there was a difference of opinion in what we were looking for in a lighting system, but after a few tweaks it seemed reasonable. That is until we gave the plans to our contractor and found out more about the light system that our architect had designed.
Apparently there isn't a good way to put a switch inside our house that would control these transformers. (Everyone reading this who can turn on a light in their backyard from a switch inside the house, please take a moment to feel grateful to the none neurotic person who designed your house/apartment/condo) We could get a switch in, but it'd be a little more complicated (read: expensive to fix when it breaks).
In addition, the light system was apparently this top of the line system that uses less electricity (yay!), is really easy to move or replace (double yay!), and very expensive (knew there was a catch there somewhere). The contractor still recommended it because they also last awhile, so in favor of the long term benefits, we didn't change the system. We also complicated this a bit more by adding fans to the pergola as a late design addition. 

Given all these fancy pants systems going in, when the electrician showed up to do all the installs, I was on him like another shadow, asking questions. Despite how obnoxious I'm sure that was, he was very nice, and after we got to talking a bit I found out he doesn't usually do work on houses. He normally does large scale server rooms and businesses. He explained it was working on this because the switch that he was installing acts like a remote control for the transistors so you have to program it by computer (think garage door remote).
After installing the transistors, setting up the switch, he started putting up the fans.
I'm going to disrupt the story to mention that we had to run to home depot the night before to buy these fans because the contractor forgot to tell us he needed them the next day for install. The only instruction we were given was find outdoor rated fans.
Now, as the electrician is working on getting the second fan up, he calls me outside to show me something. Apparently, even though the fans we got are outdoor fans, they are meant to be flush mounted to a structure. In the case of the pergola, the bars aren't wide enough to form a perfect seal, so there is a gap on either side where water could get into the electrical components of the fan. I explain that we weren't really given much instruction on what to get from the store, and offered to run down real quick to buy new fans. He looked at the one he already had up and said, "No, it'll be fine. Here's what you need to do..."

I could see the thoughts in his head as he looked at the fan he already had up. Something along the lines of "I don't want to take that back down and be here longer to put up new fans. I'm sure they can just put in some spray foam and cocking to seal that up." And that my friends, it what he instructed me to do.
I still remember standing in a yard where people are doing all this construction work for me, thinking "Do I look handy to you?" Sure, just some spray foam and cocking. How hard can it be? Stupid back door.

Day 65ish: We can now turn on and off our fans from inside the house. Have attempted to follow instructions to make the fans "really outdoor rated" but am somewhat thankful for the drought going on now...